Words of an Empress

Ladybug is in the stage of wanting explanations for everything. “I don’t know” or “just because” does not work for her level of curiosity. So my Hubby & I are always giving her explanations & sometimes stretched truths to help her understand the world. This is a result of that.

Ladybug is talking to her Daddy. Having a full, grown woman conversation. Hubby is looking at her and admiring our blessing. So he says:

Hubby: Why are you so tall?
LB: You know why Daddy.
Hubby: I do?
LB: Yes you do.
Hubby: I forgot so tell me
LB: because I have the hiccups so much.

Moral of story: Your children remember the stories you tell them & hold them to truth.

Tow Away Zone http://t.co/G2Ynb1Er

Ladybug is supposed to be napping. She’s quiet so I go in to peep on her. Homegirl is sitting in her bed w/her purse & lip gloss in hand.

When I walk in she doesn’t try to stop what she’s doing, she pokes her lips out like “check these lips”

Me: what are you doing?
LB: putting on lip gloss. *continues to apply*
Me: for what?
LB: to be so pretty
Me: why? You are supposed to be sleep so what do you need gloss for?
LB: my dreams *places lip gloss back in purse; puts purse on the floor; lays down & closes her eyes*
Me: *stands there like a fool; then exits left*

Moral of story: be careful what you pray for & wait until your daughter is 16 to intorduce lip gloss.

Me, Ladybug (the mini), & Max (family dog) are finishing dinner when Max starts barking with every piece of his cords. Ladybug runs to the front door to check the scene (like she could have done something) as I follow fussing all the way about her going to the door.

I’m stopped mid-fuss to see a deer grazing in my front yard. As we watch in awe (and I’m quietly praying for Sweet Baby Jesus to send this deer on his way before my husband comes home), Ladybug breaks the silence by saying “Oh my goodness! Santa lost a reindeer.”

The conversation continues like this: I respond through a smile, “yes baby he did.” Ladybug: “Mama, you gotta call him.”

Me: “yes baby I’ll call.”

Ladybug leaves

I’m tweeting about this deer

And she returns with my cell.

Ladybug: “here mama. Call him now.”

I’m trying not laugh but manage to say “ok, baby, calling him now. Is this why he didn’t have your iPod at the pictures?” (And I know what I’m doing by asking….lol)

Ladybug looks with this frown of disgust & says “This deer is not making good choices. Santa needs to come get him for my iPod.” and walks off, never looking back so done with the whole deer situation.

I’m left laughing so hard I can barely breath. Moral of the story: Sometimes provoking your toddler into opening certain past baggage makes for a night of laughter.

Guy: Wow you are beautiful.

Me: Thanks

Guy: You are so beautiful.

Me: Yea, you said that already so I know. Try something new.

Guy: Dang, you can’t smile. 

Me: You paying my bills?

Guy: You are beautiful but arrogant. 

Me: Well, you tried something new but it didn’t work.

Guy: I bet you can’t keep a man.

Me: *smiles* Hmph, you got a smile and as a matter of fact I can. A man of 11 years and he’s been married to me for 7.

Guy: How does he put up with you?

Me: With my legs wrapped around his waist. *walks off*

Moral of the story: Men, check the left ring finger first and you might avoid such an “arrogant” refusal. 

Mistake #1: Assumed mini me was asleep

Mistake #2: Deciding to shower together w/out checking on her

Mistake #3: Not locking the door to the bathroom

So hubby and I decide to shower together as a little QT from the busy day and week.  We are in there doing shower stuff and talking, laughing, etc.  We get ready to walk out of the shower, I open the door and what do I see?…my mini me watching us.

As I open the door she says with all smiles “Hey Mommie.”  My resposne “woahhhhhh,” and I immediately slam the shower door.  Hubby who is too embarrassed says through the shower door “Get to the room.”  Never taking her eyes off of us, smiling a Chester Cat smile, she takes her time to leave and closes the door behind her (letting us know she knew the door meant privacy…little booger).

By this time I am cracking up in laughter and Hubby is fussing at me for not locking the door.  Not knowing how long she was standing there let me just say I am so glad we didn’t try to do the “grown folk dance” or we would have had more to talk about. O_O

Anyway, I jump out, dry and walk in our bedroom only to see her STILL in our room now standing next to the bed watching the Soul Train Awards.  When she sees me, she has a smirk on her face as if she is ready to antagonize me.  She says “What you doing Mommie?” To keep from bursting in laughter I put on my “mommie voice” and say “get to your bed maam”…she takes her time and switches all the way to the bed as if she had accomplished a goal on her toddler bucket list. 

MORAL OF THE STORY: First time parents use your bedroom locks….they are there for a reason.

(above a pic of my mini me so you can put a face to her life stories…smh)

Each day we awake we more often than not dwell on the negative. This is especially true when it seems the negative is pouring down on us all at one time. However the fact we have a sane and functioning mind to dwell, gives us reason to be thankful.

I love to joke & have a great time and although I give thanks daily, but during Thanksgiving I especially can’t help but take the time to count and name my blessings.

You should too….

So took my mini me to take her pics w/Santa and of course played the day up so she would smile pretty for the camera.

On the way I told her to be sure she told Santa what she wanted.  We walk into the portrait studio and she is ready! She trots her cute behind right on up to Santa puts her arms around him and the photographer says “Whisper to Santa what you want for Christmas.”

With every piece of seriousness she could muster, Ladybug says (and not in a whisper) “I want an iPod.”  Santa is smiling in the camera, Ladybug taps him on the shoulder and says again “I want an iPod.”  The photographer gives Santa a book and says, “Let Santa read you a book.”  Ladybug looks down at the book then looks @ Santa and says “I wrote you a letter. I want an iPod.”  Finally, the photographer says “Give Santa a hug.” She puts one arm around Santa but doesn’t crack a smile.

Photographer says “great! all done.”  Ladybug looks at me, looks at the photographer, and then at Santa and says with MUCH conviction “Santa, I wrote you a letter.  I put it in the mailbox. I want an iPod.” The look she gave him really said “Muthaf**ka, I took the time from MY play schedule to write yo’ dumb a** a letter telling you what I want and you come ALL the way from the North Pole and don’t have my d**n iPod….oh its ON.”

I had to take the child from Santa before he got his fat ass beat and had to then explain to her the gifts come on Christmas Day.  (A minute detail I forgot to explain when we had the “Santa talk.” ) 

Thank God my child has SOME kind of home training and decent parents because that could have been reeeeeeeal ugly.

Moral of the story: New parents, please explain the full story of Santa so your child doesn’t embarrass you during holiday pictures.